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Cheating Spouse

Cheating Spouse
C Patrick, Investigator


Is my spouse having an affair? This is a common question for private investigators. Cheating spouse or domestic investigations are a good part of the PI business especially for many new to the business. This type of investigation is usually what comes to mind when people think of Private Investigators. Is my spouse cheating? I think maybe, well, how would I know? These questions are all very common. I will attempt to shed some light on the subject. When I first started out in the Private Investigation business domestic investigations were about 90% of my case load. Based on my experience there are several areas that you can examine to shed some light on the situation.

In the beginning stages of an affair a cheater may become more attentive. This could be attributed to feeling guilty for what is going on. Later your mate may start to find more faults with you than before. This is a way of distancing him or herself from you and makes it easier to justify or rationalize the affair in the mind of the cheating spouse. You may also notice changes in attitude and a difference in the way the cheating spouse interacts with others. It can sometimes seem like you are seeing a different person. You may notice a disinterest in things around the house or the cheating spouse may seem disconnected and lose interest in the normal routine. You will most likely notice a change in the intimacy of the relationship some cheating spouses will become more interested in the sexual relationship while others may become more distant.

You may notice financial discrepancies. Affairs will most often cost money in some way. I have identified cheaters by the paper trail they will often leave behind in the way of receipts, credit card statements and cell phone statements. If you find credit accounts recently opened that your spouse is reluctant to explain this may be an indication of an affair. Cheaters have been found out by having additional cell phones often prepaid or in someone else’s name.

A spouse that takes a sudden interest in their own appearance may be an indication: suddenly wants to lose weight, dresses differently or a new hair style. Maybe a change in grooming habits like wearing cologne or perfume where they didn’t before is an indication. Of course there are the obvious signs. The cheating spouse works later than before or has business trips out of town come up at the last minute. A cheating spouse may become more secretive about new friends or while having phone conversations. These can all be signs of an affair. These signs will most often show up in different combinations. The point here is where there is smoke there is usually a fire. If you think there is a problem there usually is. It seems the hardest thing for clients that come to my company for help in this situation is the not knowing. Our clients have a need to know the truth so they can make life decisions that will not only impact them and the cheating spouse but often every one around them; family, friends and work associates alike. It is important to hire a knowledgeable investigator who also understands the emotional aspect of a case like this. Clients come to us in these situations in different levels of emotional distress. Wanting to know the truth and being afraid of what they will find out. For these reasons it is important to choose carefully when you are considering the services of a private investigator.

I would like to add one more personal observation. I am often asked by my clients who find that their spouse is indeed having an affair, what is wrong with me? Why would they want to do this? What did I do? The truth is it often has nothing to do with the other spouse as much as it has to do with the insecurities of the cheating spouse. It has been my experience that the attraction often does not lie with the person the spouse is cheating with as much as it has to do with the act of cheating itself. Living the secret life and getting away with something considered taboo is exciting to some and is the very reason it is so hard for them to quit once they start. The spouse that has been at it for a while will become comfortable in the secret world they create and after a while begin to assume no one is on to them and they have covered their tracks. All of the cheaters I have caught over the years have all had one thing in common. They made the assumption that they were smarter than their spouse and because of that they never saw me coming.

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